im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
