Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
