someone threw a dead crab at me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
