you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
