Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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