He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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