there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize