There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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