My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
