Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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