That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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