We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
