is your mom at the bar?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I believe in your delicious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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