Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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