Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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