i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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