Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
