I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
