beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
