Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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