Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
