sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
