i'm signing you up for texting rehab
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
