508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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