dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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