I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
