Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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