dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
