the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
