The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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