Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
