Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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