she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
