His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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