Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just had sex bonerless
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
