Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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