Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
