So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
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Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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