I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My bed smells like the plague
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
