Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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