last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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