Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found a bag of teeth...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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