dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
