nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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