R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
false alarm, still single
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
