oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
