It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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