Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize