it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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