I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
