i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
