so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
