saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The best revenge is premature balding
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
