What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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