is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
