go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
