Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
