do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
