I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Text me some of your sweat
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