I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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