I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
