Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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