Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
