There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize