It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
