I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
