Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
