so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I just sharted jello shots
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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