If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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