He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
