God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
