Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
